Do you ever find yourself just nodding your head when your child is telling you something during the day? Between work, the stresses of life, and household responsibilities, this reaction is quite natural. During this conversation, phrases like "Yes, dear," "Uh-huh," or "I'll look at it in a moment" might automatically come out of our mouths. However, later, remembering what was said can be difficult. Because sometimes, while listening, we might be cooking, replying to a message, or trying to organize a to-do list in our minds. But at this point, it's incredibly valuable to stop and ask ourselves this question: Are we truly listening, or are we just hearing?
Listening in parenting is a skill we often overlook, but it plays a huge role in children's emotional world. Because for children, being listened to means not just hearing their words, but feeling understood.
So let's look at this issue from a different perspective, through the eyes of children, to better understand the importance of communication and listening for them.
What is the difference between passive and active listening?
Passive listening means allowing the child to speak, but not being mentally present. The child speaks, the parent listens. However, a genuine connection is not established.
Active listening, however, offers a completely different experience. Here, the parent makes their presence felt not only with their ears but also through their gaze, body language, and reactions. The CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) defines active listening as a form of communication that involves noticing the child's emotions, focusing on what they are saying, and reflecting this process back through verbal or nonverbal means.
In short, active listening is less about saying "I hear you" and more about conveying the message "I understand you and I'm here."
5 Essential Elements of Active Listening
How do you convey the message "I understand you and I'm here" when listening to your children? The key, of course, is knowing the fundamental elements of active listening.
Making eye contact
When your child is telling you something, getting down to their eye level and making eye contact sends a powerful message: "Right now, you are my priority."
For young children, eye contact is one of the most tangible indicators that they are being listened to. This contact makes it easier for the child to feel safe and continue talking.
Ignoring other tasks and focusing solely on communication.
It may not always be possible to turn everything off. However, whenever possible, putting down your phone, turning off your computer, or pausing what you're doing for a short time significantly changes the quality of communication.
Remember that children may stop talking or withdraw when they feel your attention is being diverted.
Show that you understand by reflecting what is being said.
When your child describes a situation, it's very effective to reflect what they said back in your own words. For example;
-
"So you're upset because your toy is broken."
-
"You seem upset because your friend isn't playing with you."
These kinds of statements make the child feel not only that they are being listened to, but also that their feelings are being acknowledged.
Maintaining communication by asking questions.
Active listening is about deepening the conversation, not directing it. Open-ended questions play an important role here. For example;
-
"What happened next?"
-
"How did you feel when this happened?"
These questions help the child organize their thoughts and express themselves more clearly.
Listen until you fully understand.
Sometimes children can't express what they want to say all at once. Sentences may be incomplete, or the topic may stray. At this point, it's important to continue listening without rushing, trying to correct, or offering solutions. Because children's communication skills are directly related to the patience adults show them.
The Importance of Understanding and Listening for Children
Communication is not a one-way process consisting solely of listening. It is shaped by the development of two fundamental skills: listening and understanding. Children learn these skills by observing the adults around them, noticing their reactions, and experiencing them through interactions. These early experiences directly influence how children express themselves and communicate with others in later years.
Listening doesn't just mean hearing sounds. For children, listening involves distinguishing sounds, noticing intonations, and gradually deciphering the meaning of social interactions. Understanding begins with simple words and ideas, and over time develops into processing and interpreting what is heard.
To develop listening skills, attention must also be supported. Therefore, instead of constantly creating background noise at home, it can be beneficial to create space for silence from time to time. In addition, providing different and meaningful sound experiences such as stories, rhymes, nature sounds, or soft music enriches the child's listening and discrimination skills.
Most importantly, it's about reciprocity. Therefore, when your child listens to you, you need to listen to them attentively as well. A child who feels their wishes, needs, and individual interests are valued feels valued. This makes them more willing to listen to, understand, and communicate with others. Because children discover listening, understanding, and learning much more easily when they are with adults who truly listen to them.
3 Activity Suggestions to Help Children Communicate
Active listening isn't limited to conversations. You can reinforce this skill with daily games and activities.
If you're wondering, "So, what can I do?", we've prepared a few activity suggestions for you:
1. Take-Along Story Game
Tell a simple story in turns. You say one sentence, then your child continues. Listen without interrupting and repeat what they said.
2. Chatting with Emotion Cards
Prepare cards with different facial expressions. Choose a card and ask, "What do you think this child is feeling?" Listen carefully to their answer, trying to understand it before commenting.
3. End-of-Day Mini Chat
Before bedtime, create a space for a short but focused conversation with questions like, "What made you happiest today?" or "Was there anything difficult today?"
Of course, the goal in creating these communication moments through all these activities is not to get the right answers, but to give the child space to express themselves.
Remember, it's impossible to do everything right in parenting. But sometimes, just pausing for a few minutes to truly listen can make a huge difference in a child's world. Active listening is more than just crafting perfect sentences or answering every question; it's often simply about being there, making them feel heard and cared for. Because sometimes a child's development begins with the simplest yet most powerful message: "I'm listening."
Furthermore, this connection established through listening often continues in the game itself. Because play is not only a way to teach; it is also a space for togetherness, for sharing the same moment. When playing with your child, the kind of relationship you establish in that moment is as important as the goal you are trying to achieve. If you want to reconsider your perspective on play, you can explore the place and importance of play for children in our article titled "Is the Purpose of Play to Teach or to Be Together?"
Source: